Random Organization XIII
by RoxRox
Summary: series of oneshots, some might be linked together, about organization 13, also namine and maybe sora, riku and kairi in later chaps.includes few OCs, possible random pairings, language, mild character bashing, pretty much the usual. R&R please!
1. Surferdude & Skaterboy part 1

It was a normal, sunny(as far as it gets if it's always night) and quiet day in the Castle That Never Was and Zexion was as happy as an emo can get. For the first time in weeks he had been out of his refuge, the library. Due to his current status of short term memory loss, he couldn't remember why he had locked himself up in there in the first place but since it has been weeks, whatever it was, it would be over by now. So he walked around the extremely quiet and unusual empty corridors of the castle. His innocent whistling stopped for a second. It was quiet. Too quiet. Where was ever-

"OUT OF MY WAYYYYYYYYYY...!"

**CRASH.**

"ROXAS!! You idiot! Get the hell off me!" Zexion shouted at the blond.

"Sorry Zexy"He replied with his innocent childish voice.

"And stop calling me that!"

"Sorry Zexy...on"

The cloaked schemer gave him an evil glare. He rubbed his head. The collision reminded him of something but it wouldn't pop up. It had something to do with Roxas, he was sure. Wait, was that a skateboard?! This could only mean...

"TO THE LIBRARY!" Zexion shouted out, pointed in it's direction and ran off, leaving a traumatized Roxas alone. But not all alone. He still had his skateboard. He pulled out a blue Popsicle and started licking it happily. He jumped on his skateboard and took off as well only in the opposite direction. After he finished and threw the stick at a random person that he just passed, he gained some more speed, oblivious of the angry shouts at his back. Faster. Faster. FASTER. He was close to his maximum speed limit until a certain and very unfortunate red head set foot out of the the kitchen door which Roxas headed for.

**CRASH.**

"AXEEEEEELL!! GET OUT OF MY WAYYYYYYYYY!"

"ROXAS! YOU'VE ALREADY CRASHED!!"

"OH!"

"STOP YELLIN' I'M TURNIN' DEAF!"

"OK!"

The teenager picked up his skateboard and then helped up his friend. Axel crooked and held his side.

"Aww, man, I think you broke some of my ribs"

"Sorry Axy" Was Roxas reply in his childish voice again. Axel shuffled the blonds hair. A sign of forgiveness. Excellent...

"Go outside, you can't hurt anyone there"

"But I need to practice to manage corners and the corridors are perfect!" Roxas showed him his cute puppy face and pouted. Axel couldn't resist it. Actually, no one could. Roxas was the cutest little bastard in the universe.

"I'm not asking you as a father, but as a friend" The pyromaniac grinned. His short friend gazed at him but was soon off again on his skateboard. Axel turned back inside the kitchen.

"Changed my mind, I'm goin' for Xigbar!" He shouted and threw some coins at Luxord, who was, obviously, taking bets.

"Aww, poor Roxas. Now he has no one going for him." He said with a frown but greedily taking the money. Demyx, who sat opposite to Luxord turned to him and as hyper as he was he jumping in his chair.

"Doesitstartnow? Doesitstartnow? Doesitstartnow?"

"No Demyx, it's still 47 minutes to it. Axel, I thought the kid meant the world to you, why sudden change of mind?" Luxord continued over Demyx's cries.

"Well, uh, despite the fact that he just broke my ribs 'cause he doesn't know how to steer the damn thing, Xigbar's got a higher chance of winning"

"Still, don't you feel guilty? C'mon, Axel, he's your best friend!"

Axel stopped for a second. What did he do? He just back stabbed his little blue eyed angel! How could he?! He looked at Luxord who was observing his reaction. Wait a minute...

"What are, my conscience? Stop playin' with my mind you bastard!" And with that he stormed out the kitchen. Luxord chuckled evilly and turned to Larxene who just entered the kitchen with a confused stare.

"What's up with pyro over there?"

"Nothing you wanna know about. You wanna bet for Roxas or Xigbar?"

"I'm not gonna loose any munny to you! I'm not going for anyone"

"Aww, but you like the kid so much, you should root for him!"

"WHAT?! WHO TOLD YOU THAT?!"

"I just figured 'cause you're sort of glued onto him like Axel."

"I AM NOT!"

"Then why hang with him all the time?"

The blond hesitated. How the hell did she get herself into this?!

"Luxord, the kid's just... a kid! He needs the care of..."

"A mother?"

Larxene looked at the gambler with a death glare. She couldn't even think about her being a mother to that rotten punk. No, Roxas only needed a little female guidance in her eyes. But NOT a mother!

"I'm outta here"

"Sooner or later, you gotta face the truth, Larxene!" Luxord shouted after her. She hurried through the corridors, not necessary heading somewhere. She was sunk so deep in thought, she even missed Axel passing by, who was...running?!

"LARX! SAVE YOURSELF AND RUN!"

"Wha?"

"OUT OF MY WAYYYYYYYYY! OH UH, LARXENE!"

"ROX-"

Speaking, uh, thinking, of the devil himself, Roxas was, once again, speeding on his skateboard, heading directly at Larxene. Lucky for her, he did some sort of triple-awesome stunt and landed right in front of her. She stared at the kid.

"-as?"

"Hey Larxy! Sorry that I ditched you this morning but I had to train, the contest starts in about 30 minutes!"

Unfortunately for her, Axel was listening.

"What?!" He said as calm as he could, twitching badly. Larxene turned bright red. Roxas didn't seem to mind much so he told the story. Well, half of it. The embarrassing half of it.

"Oh, hey Axy! Larxy just stayed the night with me 'cause she had bad dream."

Half of Axel was furious, the other was cracking itself. Larxene had a bad dream and slept with Roxas?! That was too much for the poor red head. He ran away crying, not sure if it was of laughter or of hurt. Roxas pulled out another one of his blue Popsicles. And another one for Larxene. She looked at it skeptical as if she was unsure if the teen hadn't poisoned it but decided it was safe to take it.

"So, Larxy, you gonna root for me?" The short blond asked.

"Of course, short shit! You got no one else"

Roxas showed his frowning puppy face again. So irresistibly cute, Larxene just wanted to hug the poor thing but stopped herself in the last second.

"What do you mean I got no one else?"

"Well, uh, every one thinks you'll loose. Even Axel bat against you"

Roxas smiled at her and hugged her. "But I still got you" he muttered into her breasts. Yes, the guy was so short, every time he hugged her, his head was in her breasts. Larxene only just noticed that.

"GET OFF ME YOU PERVERT!"

She pushed him away, turning red again. Puppy dog eyes. And frown.

"Aww, Roxy, I didn't mean that! Please don't hate me!"

But Roxas turned away and ran off with his skateboard. Larxene shouted after him, begging him to come back. The blond didn't stop until he was outside. He had about 15 minutes left. He should get to the stadium specially build for this monthly event. In the locker room was Demyx, waiting for him. Demyx was an essential part of these games, so he was aloud in there.

"Why are you waiting here? I was told every one was against me"

"I'mnotagainstyouRoxas! I'mneutral!"

Roxas looked at the hyperactive dirty blond skeptical.

"Did you had coffee this morning Demmy?"

"Yeahwithawholeheckofalotofsugar!"

"Just be sure you don't accidentally give Xiggy an advantage"

"OkiedokieRoxy!"

* * *

ha! i figured out how I make a line! anyway, tell me how you like my sense of humor, cuz I won't put on the second part of this unless I get reviews! also please check my other stuff! thnx for looking at this anyway, even if you don't review but it would be appreciated if you'd tell me your opinion! 


	2. Surferdude & Skaterboy part 2

haha bow before me!!!RaNdOm! thnx for all the reviews! btw I forgot the disclaimer last chap

Disclaimer: If I owned it, you'd know. Because Roxas wouldn't be a virgin and Namine would be the ugliest bitch ever seen. Wait, scratch that, she wouldn't even exist. And some other stuff. ENJOY AT RISK!

* * *

Roxas changed into his skater outfit which resembled his normal black and white outfit he wore in Twilight Town. Demyx stared at his friends bare chest when he changed shirts. Roxas didn't notice. Well, he did, but he didn't care much. Every one just seemed to love his chest. He sometimes wondered why Xemnas (coughMansexcough) called it Organization XIII and not Organization Gay People. Then again, he'd get his answer straight away: first, he WASN'T gay, and second, it would be unfair to Larxene. He went out into the stadium, Demyx following eagerly. Xigbar wasn't there yet but he saw almost all organization members on the stands. Cheering, but not much. Roxas went over to his ceremonial skateboard specially constructed for this contest. It was black and white, his colors, evenly shaped and perfectly balanced. He'd already have married it if he could find a ring for 'her'. Well, he had already given her a name: Twilight. Although it wasn't a real name, it suited her and Roxas was overly joyed with it. He hugged and kissed her then put her down for a test ride. When he came back to the start line, Xigbar was waiting there with his surfboard. He grinned at the teen. 

"Ready to loose another time, Rucksack?"

"This time you're the one who looses." He said grumpily back. True, Xigbar had been winning for the last 12 times straight but he could never make it to13. It was Roxas turn. And number. An obvious win. Besides, after the modifications he did on Twilight and the training every day, he's bound to win. Demyx was behind him, tuning his sitar. Roxas looked to the crowd. Every one was there, even Xemnas and Sai'x. Every one was holding signs and rooting for...Xigbar. Except Axel, Larxene and Namine. Larxene was just wearing his colors, Axel and Namine were fighting over the 'ROXAS ROX MY AS'-sign which one of them always brings. The blond sighed. He had nothing against Namine but she was starting to annoy him. Seriously, she stalked him everywhere! And now she moved in with the organization claiming to be a 14th member! And Axel... well, he has done some pretty weird things to Roxas... from luring him into his bedroom with sea-salt ice cream to tying him up on his own bed! That's pretty much the only reason to keep Larxene nearby...Back to the tournament! They were at the start line, waiting for Demyx' signal. Xigbar was sitting on his board in the canal filled with water next to the track on which Roxas will ride on. The man with the mullet stood up with the crowd cheering at his back. Demyx played the first note. Ready. The second. Set. The water was starting to build up. The third thundered. Literally because Larxene wanted to add some noise and drama. And Roxas was off, oblivious to the fact that Xigbar was already far ahead, riding the waves Demyx kept pulling up. Unlucky for the man with the eye patch, he looked back to see how his opponent was doing and missed a wave; he hit flat on the water, Roxas zooming past him. Don't get too cocky, this happens every time. Don't look back as you always did and then crashed into a wall...speaking of walls, right ahead was one. He had to take the ramp over the canal but Xigbar was catching up and by the time Roxas would get to the ramp to cross, Xigbar would be in his way. Either he had to slow down or speed up. He chose to speed up. Only he didn't really. Nevertheless, he did manage it over the ramp without crashing into Xigbar. Then he pwned gravity by riding horizontally on the wall, alongside Xigbar on his surfboard in the canal who had turned white when Roxas jumped past him, missing him by millimeters.

"Hey kid! Time to give up!"

"Why?!"

"That's the end of the line there! Or rather, end of the wall!"

Sadly, Xigbar was right. There was another wall ahead and no ramp. Roxas would crash right into it. But hadn't he spent endless nights trying to figure out how to beat Xigbar? And lucky for him, he had a smart Larxene with him...The blond bended down and pressed a button on Twilight. The skateboard vibrated and then revealed...

"WINGS AND A TURBO?!"

"Is that even allowed?!"

Larxene turned to the stunned faces that looked at the gliding Roxas. She had an evil smile on her face.

"The rules never mentioned that you CAN'T put WINGS in it."

"Luxord! I changed my mind! Again... EVERYTHIN' ON ROXAS!"

"You can't change your mind in th middle of the race!"

"I just did! Deal with it!"

Luxord sat back grumpily. Axel was up and standing, cheering for Roxas while holding half of the sign he had brought earlier. He and Namine had ripped it in two, Axel had the part that spelled 'ROXAS' and Namine had the part that said "ROX MY AS'. Namine was shrieking even louder, deafening poor Marlurxia who had been sitting in front of her. Roxas was back on the original track, ahead of Xigbar by a meter or two. The finish line was only another thirty meters away. He was already seeing himself being carried on the shoulders of his superiors holding the trophy with his name on it for the first time... and he drifted off to dreamland and lost the race. Not really because that was what Xigbar was dreaming and he drifted off to dreamland and lost the race. So they both got to the line very slowly and it was a tie. Larxene jumped up, thunder striking every one around her.

"I KNEW IT!"

"So that is why you didn't bet? You could have laid on a tie as well" Luxord said grumpy but still overjoyed because he just won every one's munny. They kept this discussion while Namine and Axel ran over to the still dreaming Roxas.

"Roxy! Oh my god, I was so worried when did all those stunts and... bla bla bla..." Namine kept babbling so Roxas turned to Axel.

"Did I win?"

"Uh, no, Roxas. It was a tie." He said to the frowning teen. Puppy dog eyes! But they were interrupted by Namine trying to kiss Roxas. He ducked and she went straight for Axel. Every one just went: O.O

"What he hell?"

"No. VIII (8)! No public affection! You know the rules!"

They slowly got away from each other. Axel spat on the ground, Namine followed suit.

"EUGH! Ok, I know I'm irresistibly hot but that just went over the boundaries!"

"WHAT?! You, hot?! As if!"

"Hey, that's my line!"

"You just can't stand not tasting me!"

"You're disgusting and I hate you!"

And that conversation went on for the rest of the day. Because the rest of the Organization was bored of listening to it they all turned back to the castle to have some dinner.

* * *

ROX MY AS was purposely misspelled. Just needed to say that.If you don't get it,say it out loud, then you'll hear it.

Sorry this was a bit rushed, I wrote it at school today and I usually don't do that... anyway, tell me how you liked the second part! I didn't really mean to put in the pash attack by Namine, it just popped up and my friend said I should leave it in, so here it is! btw I just feel like telling this: there's this guy who's two years younger than me at my school, he's short, blond, blue eyed and sooooo adorably cute! I call him short shit for no reason and Roxas reminds of him... He's based on that guy!ANYWAY, REVIEW PLEASE! flames are accepted! and: the more reviews I get the faster I update!


	3. Xmas is here! part 1

yes, another 2 or maybe 3 part story. I know, I shouldn't do those but I can't help it if the chaps get a bit long! anyway, ENJOY!

and btw, I have nothing against Kairi, I just hate the color pink and she, well, represents it.

* * *

"WAKEY, WAKEY EVERYONE!!!!!"

Doors opened and members ranging from confused to tired, annoyed and one even furious poked their heads out.

"Dude, what the hell was that?" was the half yawn half groan from Xigbar who was, to the amusement of others, wearing fluffy bunny pj's.

"(snicker) Anyone up for some poker?" Luxord was tossing his cards carelessly and accidentally flicked one towards Xaldin.

"AARRGH! MY EYE!"

"Whoops, sorry, mate"

Six lances appeared out no where, ready to pin Luxord to the wall but a black flash caught everyone's attention.

"WAKEY, WAK- AAAHH!"

**CRASH**

"THERE'S THE CULPRIT WHO ROBBED MY SLEEP! GET HIM!" The superior shouted and for the first time in their nonexistent lives they followed that direct order. Eight members reached for the cloaked culprit, Xemnas, in his blue with pink hearts bathroom gown, and Axel, hair down and fuzzy because it was missing its usual ton of gel, and Larxene, who was the only one looking reasonable normal, stood back to watch the fight. The hood was pulled off the struggling prisoner, held by six lances against the wall, forced to chew on exploding dice, threatened to be squished by a huge chunk of the floor above, page edges on his wrist ready to make him emo, covered in pink rose petals, drenched in water, his head close to be chopped off by a berserker, feet frozen so he couldn't run(if he got loose) and the most terrifying was the two guns pointing at his head and... his most precious and favorite part of his non-being. Aw, beep this, pointing at his cock. There, now you know how uncomfortable he was. Back to the story: It waaaass...Thunder, lighting and flames encircled the boy before they could see him. But they all knew who it was. Kinda obvious.

"Xigbar! Point that thing elsewhere!" Axel shouted.

"As if! I'm not taking orders from an inferior!"

"Come here, Roxy, it's all good, Larxene's here..." She took the lances and threw them over her shoulder, hitting Demyx with them. The blond boy was carried like a baby by her. Watery puppy dog eyes. Everyone felt sorry for the poor kid.

"Awww, I'm so sorry Roxas! Please forgive me!" Everyone said one after another except Xemnas.

"No. XIII(13)! What the beep was this about anyway?!"

"Why did you say beep, superior?" Asked Sai'x curious.

Xemnas shot him an deadly glare. "Because I'm not in the mood to say fuck. XIII(13), I asked you something, answer!"

Roxas muttered something into Larxene's arms. She held him tightly, poked her tongue out to Axel and went to her room with Roxas, a protesting red head right behind her. She slammed the door in his face, making him fall on his back with a red mark on his forehead. Zexion was the first to realize what was going on with the teen.

"TO THE LIBRARY!" He shouted panicking, pointing in its direction and running off.

"Dude, what's going on here?"

"..."

"Oh god, Lexeaus, you're right!" said Xaldin in horror, agreeing to whatever his friend had said. He started panicking as well, walking off to the kitchens, muttering to himself about how he had to prepare something. Vexen, as the date keeper, hit it as well.

"Please, please don't tell we have to, superior?"

"Ah, of course, that's why he was so hyper. Okay peoples, you know the drill." And they were off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

An extraordinary sunny and hot day at Destiny Islands. Sora and Riku where lying in the sand, dead. Tidus came over and poked them with his wooden sword. Wakka and Selphie were right behind him.

"Check this out"

"Waddya think they died o', Tidus?" Wakka said, peeking over his friend's shoulder.

"They look a bit dried out." Selphie said, keeping a good distance from the corpses. Suddenly they heard a groan and Sora's head moved, looking at them with a sandy zombie face.

"... w-a-a-t-e-e-r-r-r..." Tidus and Selphie let out a girly squeal.

"THE DEAD ARE ALIVE!!(squeal, you know, the long, high-pitch and very painful one)" The three ran away crying and screaming. Sora's head fell back into the sand. Riku moved a bit to see his dying friend.

"...S-s-o-r-r-a-a-a..."

"...y-y-e-a-a-h..."

"...I... ju-ust wan...ted to ...tell you this... before... we ...die..."

"...what... is it...Riku?"

"...you're... my best... friend ...ever... and..."

"...yeah?..."

"... I ...love... you..."

"... really...?... cause... I love... you... too..."

"... and... as my last... act on this... world..." Riku moved closer to Sora. He reached for the brunettes head and held it in place. He pushed forward to receive a sandy first and last kiss. Then he fell in the sand, ready to die. So did a red Sora. A shadow fell over their faces. Riku opened his eyes, only to see up Kairi's skirt. God that girl needed a change of wardrobe. Even her undies were pink...Hang on, was that a white stain?! God knows what that slut has been up to...a pink shoe came down in an arch and sent Riku flying through the air. He landed in the hot water.

"SORA! OMG, it's a miracle! I found water! AAH! It's hot! Help me, I'm melting!"

"...Ri-k-u... n-no-o..."

"You deserved that, you lazy bum! Anyway, hey Sora, how are you, I'm good, why are you on the ground, guess what, a letter came and we're invited to some party with some old friends, have I told you that you look ridiculous in that black suit or whatever it is, no wonder you sweating like a pig, Riku get out of the water or you'll have burns all over you, look at my new shoes I just bought them, oh look there's Selphie, hey Selphie, how are you, I'm good, why are you hiding there with Tidus, ooh, are you guys finally getting it on, about time Selphie sweets, oops, look at the time, gotta go, Riku get out of the the water, how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not your mother, see you guys around" Kairi said with one breath and then walked away, leaving a little envelope in the sand. It had the nobody symbol on it. Sora picked it up and read out loud.

"Fellow enemies,

Due to the fact that Ekks-mas is drawing near, we, Organization Ekks-Dash-Dash-Dash, would like to-" Sora stopped for a second, looking at the piece of paper in concentration. The fine, clean written words were scrabbled over and there was no way anyone could make out what it was meant to say. Instead there was a small text below, drabbled and barely readable. Sora tried reading it..

"hey duds! wazzup! me an the rest o my gang r throwin a partey, so make sur u come or we ll have2 elimimininat u! it s ekks ma ass so dresup apropityly an bring some-" The word was lined out but Riku was sure it was meant to say 'fukin'. "- presnts!! urs unlovinly cuz we dont got (3s, xiggy"

After a few minutes silence they finally understood.

"PARTY!! Hey Riku, new idea: let's die later and go to that party!"

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" They went to the mall to get some presents and clothes and unfortunately Kairi came with them and made them carry billions of bags. They died right in front of the Castle That Never Was.

* * *

Translation for the letter:

"Hey dudes! What's up! Me and the rest of my gang are throwing a party, so make sure you come or we'll have to eliminate you! It's x-mas so dress up appropriately and bring some fucking presents!! Yours unlovingly because we don't have (that thingy that u put on here and a 3, meaning heart) hearts, Xiggy"

THE CHARACTERS OF KH AND KHII ONLY HAVE ONE OUTFIT TO WEAR, THE POOR THINGS. PRESS THE PURPLE BUTTON TO DONATE A NEW PIECE OF CLOTHING TO YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER. OR TO HELP STEAL THEIR BOXERS-running around with Roxas' boxers in hands, evading flying keyblades-AND DONATE THOSE BOXERS TO RABID FANGIRLS AND BOYS WHO ARE EQUALLY POOR AND STUPID. DONATE NOW AND YOU'LL GET A FREE PAIR FROM YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER INSTANTLY. BUT BE QUICK BECAUSE ONLY FIRST FIVE GET A FREE SAMPLE! termsandconditionsapply.themakerofthisfanficisnotresponsibleforpeoplesuingyouforstealingtheirboxers.

don't bash me for the yaoi part, it's my first boyxboy I've ever written and it's only there as a joke, I mean, what would you do when you're about to die? anyway tell me how you liked it so I can continue it.


	4. Xmas is here! part 2

heres the second part of the trilogy! and I'm only updating it cuz if I did this after X-mas it would loose its sense. or such stuff. ENJOY!

* * *

"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG"

"Demyx, shut it"

"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG"

"I said shut it Demyx!"

"OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG"

"SHUT UP DEMYX OR I'LL SMASH YOUR TEDDY INTO PIECES!!"

The mullet man went as silent as a grave. Sai'x turned back around to see how the decorations were going. Xigbar was walking on the walls and ceiling putting up all sorts of glittery green, white and red stuff, Lexeaus was putting up a huge Christmas tree and Vexen was putting snow crystals on it. It would have a pretty sight if Axel didn't came by and accidentally on purpose burned down the tree in order to melt the crystals. For the thirteenth time. Nevertheless, Lexeaus knew this was going to happen so he had another fifty trees in stock. He got one out while Vexen was chasing Axel around the room. Sai'x took another brief look at his checklist.

Xemnas- in his room, safe and sound. Check.

Xigbar- decorating the place. Check.

Xaldin- cooking the feast. Check.

Vexen- trying to decorate, fails, chases Axel. Check.

Lexeaus- putting up Christmas trees. Check.

Zexion- hiding in the library.

Sai'x looked up for a moment, looked around and continued his checklist.

Check.

Sai'x- checking on everything. Check.

Axel- doing mischief, succeeds, runs away from Vexen. Check.

Demyx- annoying. Check.

Luxord- in Port Royal to get some booze.

Sai'x turned to Demyx. "Water boy, could you run over to Port Royal and check if Luxord is there?"

"Surethingboss!" Demyx saluted and ran through a black portal.

Marlurxia- captured and tied up in a closet to secure the place from mistletoes.

He was going to check that closet in a minute.

Larxene- shopping. Check.

Roxas- either locked up in his room, kept well away from candy cane, cookies and other devil's food or dragged to shopping with Larxene.

Check with Larxene after he looked in the closet.

Fangirls- all doors locked and other magics working on keeping them out. Check.

Invitations- send to everyone. Check.

Check- check if Sai'x is checking on things stated above. Uuh... check?

The blue haired Luna Diviner went to check on Marlurxia in the closet. When he arrived he made a shocking discovery: Marlurxia was gone! Well, duh, the man(?) had a scythe, come on... Sai'x quickly ran back to the lounge where the others were but too late. Two gift wrapped moaning packages were lying on the floor, buried under a ton of mistletoes. One 'present' hung from the ceiling, held by numerous whines and mistletoes. The ceiling itself was stacked three inches deep with mistletoes. Axel was in fact the only one who seemed unharmed and amused. A few black spots encircled him. He looked at Sai'x curios, then pointed at the door leading to the library. Sai'x immediately ran through it, trying to save Zexion. Axel created a dark portal and left the three moving presents in their agony. Mmh, let's see what Roxy's up to... he appeared in the blonds empty room. EMPTY!!! Axel was going to cry but saw a note on Roxas' bed so he picked it up to read it.

"Dear pyrofreak( I mean you, Axel!),

you might have noticed that someone has gone missing. Well, THAT'S CUZ ROX IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH ME AND WE DECIDED 2 RUN AWAY!!!!MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

OH YEAH, U HEARD RIGHT!! HE DOESN'T LOVE U AT ALL!!!!

ps: If the superior is reading this, I've taking ekks dash dash dash to the mall that never was so you won't have to deal with him. We'll be back for the party tonight with all the stuff we need. Don't tell Axel this. Only the part above. Ekks dash dash, Larxene, The Savage Nymph."

Axel sat back on Roxas' bed, tears pouring down his cheeks. How could Roxas? How could he run off with that psycho bitch? He couldn't really be in love her, right? There was only one thing he could do to stop this and get Roxas back: kill Larxene. Yeah, that sounded good. Now, where the hell would she be?

"Larxy?" a childish voice spoke.

"What?!" came the edgy reply.

"My feet hurt" The tall blond turned around so quickly, the boy jumped a bit.

"You wanna be locked up in that hell hole called your room again?" she hissed.

"...no..."

"Then stop whining!"

"Yes, mom" Larxene stopped and twitched badly.

"And don't EVER call me that again"

"Yes mo...st favorite person in the world that never was?" Larxene looked at the teenager, annoyed but delighted to hear him say that. She turned again to continue her shopping trip.

"Excuse me, but I was wondering... WHY THE BEEP AM I HERE?!"

"Because I need someone to carry bags and besides you should be happy, I saved you from mistletoes, emo boy." Larxene said without turning around.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" he shouted back. A light shock went through his body, meaning: "I call you whatever I want... emo boy". Zexion glared evilly at her back. Right now he should be in the library, safe from any mistletoes and other X-mas traps...

Hour of agony and carrying bags later they finally got back to the castle that never was, only to find two piles of bags moaning and a red haired, pink dressed slut standing (and lying) there.

"What are you doing here?" Larxene asked in her pissed off voice. Behind her Zexion fell gracefully back down the steps, Roxas was watching him and laughed at him when he reached the ground.

"Oh, hey, you must be Larxene, didn't Sora kill you in Chain of Memories, by the way, I'm Kairi, Sora's meant-to-be-girlfriend but he's gay for Riku, so, we're here for the party, that's tonight right..." Kairi continued. Oh, dear god... behind the two young women Zexion got back up the steps and fell back down resulting that Roxas kept laughing at him.

"Shut it, punk"

"Zexy fell on his butt! Zexy fell on his butt! Twice in a row! Hahahaha" Roxas stopped laughing when a giant snake started crawling up his leg. He grabbed Larxene's arm and clung onto but she shook him off without even bothering to look at him. He fell on his butt and started crying. Zexion just smiled evilly and tried the stairs again only to fall back down. Larxene and Kairi finished their endless conversation and the blond turned around to see her most beloved sitting in a water puddle and emo boy balancing on a stair. She figured conclusion and pushed Zexion back down the stairs, throwing the two moaning piles of bags with it, picked up Roxas and went inside the castle, Kairi and two other boys who were under the bags got dragged in as well. The castle looked like hell. Larxene laid Roxas on the couch where he peacefully slept. The Savage Nymph cracked her fingers. Time to show these whining losers how to make a party.

* * *

dam yous all! cuz no one reviewed and helped me steal some boxers! -sulks in the corner hugging a pair of black and white checkered boxers-

Roxas: HEY! Give 'em back! I need them!

Red Haired Girl: No you don't! You look sexier without them!

Roxas: O///////////////////O

Red Haired Girl: -smirk- 4w4

seriously, I have nothing against Kairi, she just wears such tight and short clothes, anyone who doesn't know her would say she's a slut... no offence to her at all!!! PLZPLZPLZ REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!EVEN IF YOU'VE ALREADY REVIEWDED AN EARLIER CHAPTER, I'D LOVE TO KNOW IF YOU GUYS ACTUALLY KEPT READING THIS!!!!!


	5. Xmas is here! part 3 The Party!

here it is!! the last and final part!!!

don't bash me plz but do tell me if I'm wrong at a few points cuz I haven't played FF VII and don't know the story

* * *

RUMBLE.

RUMBLE.

**RUMBLE.**

"WOULD YOU BEEPERS BE BEEPING QUIET!" Xemnas shouted out his door.

"SORRY SUP', WE'LL TRY!!!" came Axel's reply from the lounge. It was followed by giggling and Xigbar's loud laughs.

"And that, ladies, was my boss. He's a bit grumpy today cause he only got one present this year but by the thought of it, he's always like that" the pyro said to the girls surrounding him. They all stared at him, entranced. He was sprawled across the couch, drinking liquor and chatting to the girls. Xigbar sat across him in a chair, also charming the girls that didn't fit in Axel's area.

"Axel, you're so hot" one of the girls said. The flurry of dancing flames smirked at her.

"I'm burnin', babe!" they went on chatting and giggling. On the other side of the room Luxord was testing his new deck of cards, courtesy of Xaldin, on Cloud, Leon, Cid, Aerith, Yuffi, Auron, Wakka, Tidus and Selphie.

"Cloud, you're out"

"No! Not yet! I still got something!"

"No you don't. You already lost everything, even your boxers" Aerith hugged the black boxers. Cloud looked around the room, panicking. His eyes fell on a girl with long brown hair chatting to Kairi and some other girls.

"I bid Tifa!"

"You can't bid her! She's a person!"

"But she's my girlfriend, so I get to do with her whatever I want!" Cloud said stubborn.

"Has anyone told you yet that you have a major gambling problem?" Yuffi asked.

"Deal!" Luxord said and dealt the cards to everyone, also Cloud. In another part of the room, Demyx just defeated Vexen at Dance Dance Revolution. The crowd, Lexeaus and Xaldin, cheered.

"My turn, old man!"

"Don't call me old, III"

"..."

"Exactly, Lexeaus!"

"OUT OF MY WAYYYYYYY!!!!"

"ROOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXYYYYYYYYYYYYY WAAAIIIIIIITT!!!!!!"

**CRASH**

"GODAMIT ROXAS!!! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO STEER THE DAMN THING?!!!"

"Uhm..." Xaldin looked at the three on the floor. But it wasn't Roxas who was lying there on the floor... it was... a Riku Replica! With a blond wig on and in the organization cloak! What the-

"ROXY!!!" Namine, oblivious of the fact that if wasn't even Roxas, held the mistletoe above her and Riku Replica's heads and kissed him. The three organization member could do nothing else but stare. At the buffet, Zexion was pouring more eggnog in a cup and drank it all in one sip. Same thing again, repeated 5 times. Sora and Riku were watching him worried. Larxene came by looking more stressed than usual. She took a brief look around the room before talking to the three teens.

"Seen Roxas anywhere?"

"No, why?"

"Did-hic-n't you lock him in hish -hic-room?"

"Yeah but he went for a piss but didn't return and I fear Marlurxia got hold of him. Emo boy, what did you drink?" Larxene asked the Drunken Schemer.

"Jusht thish egg-hic-nog there"

"That's not eggnog you emo idiot" Larxene left them again to go look for Roxas.

"It'sh not?" Zexion said before passing out. Sora and Riku, who started drinking the same stuff, rolled Zexion's limb body under the table. At least now no one could accuse them for fighting against the organization again. Then Riku pulled Sora over to a closet. However, before reaching it, the door next to it slammed open and squished them against the wall. Roxas came running in the room, sweat pouring from him. He hid behind the Christmas tree for a while, then went over to the buffet. He grabbed himself one of the drinks Zexion swirled down before. The teen took it up to his lips but dropped it as he saw Marlurxia walk in the room. He ducked and crawled under the table. The table cloth reached down to the floor and the blond would only be seen if someone lifted it up. He was safe. He started breathing properly against until a voice behind him gave him a heart attack -that was, if he had a heart.

"Mistletoes and pedophiles?"

"Uh-u-h-uh-uh-hu-"

"I'll take that as a yes. Don't worry, you're safe here." The red haired girl said. She turned her attention back to Zexion, whose head was lying on her lap. He seemed unconscious. Roxas' manly senses just kicked in. She was very pretty. Very, very pretty. He started drooling onto his jacket. The red head looked at him oddly. He stopped and started a conversation.

"Uhm, I, er, am, uh, R-roxas" he stuttered.

"I know" she replied in a bored voice. She looked back at Zexion who seemed to be waking up.

"Wazzu'!" he smiled at the girl. "I know you." But the girl looked up again, bored.

"This is getting too mushy! Bye Rox! Bye Zexy!" The two boys looked at her confused but were interrupted by someone pulling up the table cloth.

"ROXAS! There you are! I've been looking for you!" to the relief of them it was Larxene. She pulled them both out from under the table and threw them on a couch. Roxas immediately stood up again and looked under the table but the girl was gone. He frowned and gave everyone puppy dog eyes. Then he saw the great mischief: Axel was coming his way, same for Larxene. They where charging at him for some strange reason. Then he saw Xigbar hanging from the wall with... A MISTLETOE RIGHT ABOVE HIS HEAD!! Roxas decided quickly: stop, drop, roll. Unfortunately Larxene and Axel couldn't stop themselves and ran into each other. And kissed under the mistletoes! Everyone just went: Aww... in the meantime, Roxas escaped outside. Marlurxia was the first to wake up from his trance. He went around the room hanging up mistletoes everywhere. Soon, most people in the room were kissing. Aww... let's ruin it! The red haired girl reappeared in the room. She looked at the couples in disgust. She stopped time and replaced some limbs, swapped some people around and created mainly chaos. She finished up with burning the Christmas tree and putting Axel and Larxene right next to it. She left the room again and time went on as usual. After five minutes people were finally catching on.

"AXEL! GET THE BEEP OFF ME!!!"

"YOU RAN INTO ME!!!!!!!!GOT IT MEMORIZED?!!"

"HOW ABOUT YOU MEMORIZE THIS?!!!!" Larxene shot some lighting across the room, knocking out all non-fighting-people. Lexeaus just noticed his last Christmas tree burned to a cinder.

"..."

"WHAT?! I DIDN'T BURN DOWN THE TREE!!! STOP ACCUSING ME!!!!!!!!"

"THEN WHY IS THERE NOTHING LEFT BUT A PILE OF ASHES??!!!!!!!!"

"..."

"NOOOOO!!!!!! PLEASE PLEASE DON'T KILL ME LEXE-" Axel was cut off by a large rock falling on him. At that moment Xemnas walked in.

"WHAT THE BEEP IS GOING ON IN HERE?!!" Every one went quiet. Lexeaus spoke first.

"..."

"OH REALLY?! THAT'S STILL NO REASON TO KEEP YELLING LIKE THAT! I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MYSELF THINK!"

"But superior..."

"WHAT?!!"

"You're the only one yelling."

"OH"

"Sorry, superior, won't happen again."

"I KNOW IT WON'T CAUSE THE PARTY IS OVER!!! EVRY ONE, GO HOME!!! NOW!!!"

Everyone left. Each member went back to their room, grumbling and making plans about next years X-mas. Larxene and Axel stayed behind.

"Where's Roxas?"

Outside in Marlurxia's well kept rose garden, a blond and a red head were making out under mistletoes.

* * *

Roxas: I hate you so much! 

Red head: awww, u know I love that cutscene!

Roxas: wha? no I wasn't- gaah!

Red head: tehe

Roxas: I hate you, I really do.

Red head: I luv u 2 Roxy

REVIEW!!! OR NO CONTINUING THIS!!! I'm serious, u won't get anything unless I get 3 more reviews! and: MY FAVOURITE REVIEWER GETS A PART IN THE STORY!! you'll get ur own nobody!! explanations are in the next chap so u gotta review first! tehe I'm evil


	6. Grocery Shopping

so, I decided to continue. cuz of KeybladeGirlXIV. she's awesome. if u want, u can have a nobody in here, u just gotta tell me about her and who she's uh, joined forces with. friends and stuff, who she rather hangs with. drop a review plz

Cause the last few chaps were mainly about Roxas, he's forbidden to be in the next 3 so they will be more about... LEXEAUS! -turns spotlight to Lexeaus who stood half dived in the fridge-

Lexeaus: ...

Red haired girl: I know it was him, ur innocent, as always

Lexeaus: ...

Red haired girl: aww, but ur already never mentioned. A, well, I'll torture someone else then

Lexeaus: ...

Red haired girl: but he's my fave! Next 2 Rox of course

Blond messenger guy: Roxas says that he knew you'd put him in here and he still hates you for it

Red haired girl: that's so sweet, I luv him 2

ENJOY!!

* * *

"Boys-" 

"AHEM?!"

"-and lady, we ran out of food. Now please, **do not **panic."

Every one was silent during the first bit but lost it after the second.

"NOMORECOFFEEE?!!!!I'MGONNAHAVEANONHEARTATTACK!!!"

"As if! There's still some left in the fridge!"

"Sadly there isn't. My experiment ate it."

"What?! Stupid Riku Replica! Whose idea was it anyway to make it?!"

"I could cut myself..."

"..."

"Why is the rum always gone?"

"I swear that the piles of ashes in the kitchen have nothing to do with me, got it memorized?"

"Does that include the extremely expensive and clean water I need for my plants?! They're gonna die without it!!"

"Use Demyx instead! How the beep did we run out?!"

"-"

"You're strictly forbidden in this! Now go to your room and sulk about it!"

An invisible boy ran out of the room, crying.

"Sai'x you're so cold! He's just a kid!"

"Yeah!"

"B-"

"SHUT UP AND LISTEN YOU BEEPS! We need to make a list of things we need before going out cause I'm not buying any stupid crap like last time!" Every one looked at Marlurxia.

"Hey! We could use that other castle as a summer castle! And it should look nice when we're there, right?"

"Anyway, what do we need?" Xemnas took out pencil and paper.

"Food."

"Soda."

"Drugs. For experiments, I mean"

"..."

"Same as Lexeaus."

"Blue hair dye."

"Coke and hair gel! Got it-"

"Yes, yes, I know, Axel."

"COFFEE!"

"Rum."

"Really expensive and clean water an-"

"That's enough from you, XI.(11)"

"Tampons and Diapers." Every one looked at the Savage Nymph.

"First: just cause I'm a nobody doesn't change the fact that I'm still a woman and second: they're for not-aloud-to-mention-boy." Every one kept glaring but turned their attention to the man who just burst into the room. He looked the same age as Axel and Demyx, had blond hair and green eyes. He shouted at the assembled organization with a familiar voice.

"Someone has the following message for you: You promised not to tell! Now everyone knows! I hate you!" Just before he turned and left, he added "Oh, and get some more of that sea salt ice cream, I almost forgot."

The organization stood there dumbfounded.

"Was that who I think it was...?"

"I don't know but we need to get going." Said Xemnas and opened a black portal. Everyone stepped in and found themselves in a back alley. Xemnas strutted forward, the rest following until they reached... THE MALL. They drooled over it for no particular reason. Fresh, cool air greeted them inside. Xemnas spoke again.

"Ok, to avoid what happened last time we-" the superior looked around. Sai'x was slowly creeping away from him. Everyone else had already left. Xemnas grabbed the Luna Diviner by his hood.

"Oh no you don't! We're gonna get the others later for this... but for now we need to get the things on the list." And so he dragged Sai'x into the next grocery store.

-Meanwhile-

"..."

"Exactly."

"..."

"Me too."

"..."

"Ok, now you're being selfish."

"..."

"I know, he is."

"..."

"WHAT?! Are you serious?!"

"..."

"You saw them?!"

"..."

"Liar."

"..."

"..."

**"..."**

"Ok, ok, don't get mad at me, just wanted to try it once..."

"..."

-Elsewhere-

"PARADISE!"

"Demyx, before you start ordering-"

"Alatte,coffee,cappuccino,andactuallyeverythingyougotthathascaffeinenit!!!"

"Sure!" said the waiter and jumped away.

"-something, we don't have any munny!"

"Now you bloody jinxed it. I hope they have rum."

"As if! You believe in that crap?!"

"It's true. You should, too."

"It's bullshit. I'll prove it to you then."

"Just don't make any more trouble, Xigbar."

"We should leave anyway, before the waiter-"

"Here you go! Everything that contains caffeine! That would be 13869 munny!"

"-comes with the stuff and the bill."

"Told you so."

-A the same time-

"There! Again!"

"Huh?"

"Didn't you see the red-"

"Calm down, you're making a fuss out of nothing."

"Swear by Kingdom Hearts, that pyro is following me!"

"You reckon?"

"Of course! He was just there! And before that he was behind us and-"

"Larxene, that over there was a girl with red hair."

"Was it? Well the guy is so anorexic, he could easily pass as one."

"You're hallucinating, hoping to see things that aren't really there. Trust me, I know."

"You're intending to say that I WANT to see HIM?!"

"Maybe you don't but your inactive part of your brain does."

"Inactive part of my brain."

"Everyone's brain has an inactive part. Axel-"

"Dare speak his name and I'll kill you, even in front of those witnesses!"

"-'s inactive part as example is his conscience, I think. Or his emotional side in which however we all lack on."

"Uhuh. But that doesn't change the fact that HE IS BEEPING FOLLOWING ME!"

"Where is he then?"

"Right THERE!"

"Uhm, that's the red haired girl you pointed out before."

"Not there, THERE." Red spikes quickly vanished behind a fountain. Zexion stood dumbfounded.

-Somewhere not very far from there-

"Beep! Beeeeeeeeeeeeep! Beep beep beep beep! Beep..."

"Mommy, is that an idiot?"

"Ssh, he can hear you!"

-Back at the Castle That Never Was-

Someone put on 'Lonely' by Akon. Then said someone went back to crying.

-In the grocery store-

Xemnas checked the list one last time.

Food- they had so much, it would last them for the next few years.

Soda- same as above.

Drugs- some panadol should do the trick.

Polish stuff- wonder why both Zexion and Lexeaus need it but he got it anyway.

Blue hair dye- got that, tons.

Coke- only the one without that much sugar.

Hair gel-essential for not only Axel but the entire organization and when Axel says they needed more, they were out of everything, so he got gallons of the stuff.

Coffee- he hesitated, knowing it doesn't do good too number IX, but other members needed a revive every morning so he got it.

Rum- Luxord could get it himself in Port Royal, but he still got a bottle knowing how lazy one can be.

Water- he bought the cheap stuff, as he always had, XI shouldn't make a fuss out of it, next time he'll make Xigbar pee in a bottle and tell XI it's extra for his flowers...

Sea salt ice cream- tons, the stuff was addictive...

Tampons and diapers- oh dear lord, why couldn't Larxene do it herself?!

"Sai'x! Split up, you get the tampons for Larxene, I'll get the diapers for you-know-who."

Before Sai'x could protest, Xemnas went to get the diapers. And just because he's the evil superior of an evil organization bound to do evil things and overthrow Kingdom Hearts with their evil plans and turn all the worlds into evil stuff... with lots of evilness, not to mention...anyway, because of that he bought the ones with rainbows, love hearts and elves on them. And also because if he bought them, he'd get a free fluffy bunny.

Sai'x was confused. He was mentally challenged. Tampons. Loads. Different sizes. Different shapes. Different colors. Even different scents... why in Kingdom Hearts would a woman need to wear tampons that smell like strawberries?! Females are complicated beings... Sai'x just picked one from each sort and went back to meet Xemnas. It took about an hour until everything was sent through the portal to The Castle That Never Was. Sai'x went back as well. Xemnas quickly rounded up the gang. The only ones missing now were Marlurxia, Axel, and Larxene. Zexion said something about Larxene being stalked and Vexen who had been with Marlurxia all the time said that the Graceful Assassin wanted to help Axel with something. Nevertheless, they didn't had to worry any longer because Marlurxia came running towards them.

"Black portal! We need to go!"

"I'm not leaving without Axel and Larxene!"

At that moment Axel came running around the corner. Xemnas gave a relieved expression. Then he saw Larxene crashing through a wall, chasing Axel, both followed by hundreds of security guards. The electricity was already failing and kunai randomly hit people. Xemnas' relief faded.

"Time to go."

A black was made and everyone fled from Larxene's wrath. Whatever Axel had done, it had made her really mad. Extremely really mad.

* * *

watch pirates of the caribbean 2 and you could picture the last part better... 

who's the mysterious blond messenger? first person gets a review and maybe fave on every story they got!

incase you haven't figured it out yet, the guy talking to Lexeaus is mostly Xaldin. about the tampon thing: they do exist!! I swear, they do! I saw tampons that smell like strawberries! even as a woman, I am confused...

YOU HAVE JUST DOWNLOADED A VIRUS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR COMPUTER/LAPTOP EXPLODE WITHIN 10 SECONDS! TO SAVE YOUR MOST BELOVED, CLICK THE PURPLE BUTTON!!NOW!!!!


	7. Boredom Day

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT!!

so this is me being bored

and random

and a kick start for a new nobody in here. OC OF COURSE! mep, hope you like her.

Disclaimer: I'm unhappy to anounce that Kingdom Hearts still doesn't belong to me, Jesse McCartney is his own(I think, I'm not sure) and Haylinn belongs to KeyBladeGirlXIV, however the plot is mine!!MUHAHAHA!

ENJOY!

* * *

Another lazy day in the non-existent lives of our most loved fiction characters. Demyx was playing DDR, Luxord had challenged Vexen to a duel of Go Fish, Xigbar was lazily hanging from the ceiling, Zexion was reading a book and Axel had spread himself on the couch he pronounced as his own.

"It's sooooo boring..."

"Gee, I did not notice."

"Axel, go annoy Larxene again. It was fun to watch you getting your ass kicked by a chick."

"Never! Got it memorized?"

Speaking of the devil, Larxene crashed through the door, causing Axel to jump and hide behind the couch, next to Zexion. She had smashed the door open with such force, Xigbar fell from the ceiling. Larxene was dripping of water and wore nothing but a towel. She panted and talked towards Demyx who looked at her curios.

"My... water... broke.**"**

**Silence.**

"Demyx, I-" Larxene started but was interrupted by the rest that were in the room.

"DEMYX?!"

"OH DEAR LORD!"

"HOW THE HELL?!"

"Well, that's easy, Vexen. When a woman and a man-"

"I KNOW THAT!! I MEANT HOW THE HELL DEMYX AND LARXENE!"

"That's why she wanted diapers."

"DEMYX, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

Silence.

"What? Am I not aloud to kill someone? It's not illegal, right?"

"Yeah, but, for what reason, Axel?"

"Impregnatin' Larxene? Non-Existin'? Being blond?"

"Yeah but why impregnating Larxene?"

"Cause now we're gonna have a beepin' cryin', shittin', eatin' and shittin' sack of diapers in the castle!"

Zexion nodded agreeing.

"True. DEMYX YOU IDIOT!! HOW COULD YOU?!"

"YOU BEEPING MORONS!!!!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!! I'M NOT PREGNANT AND NEVER WAS!!! ESPECIALLY NOT WITH DEMYX!!!"

"But didn't you just say-"

"I MEANT THE WATER PIPES IN MY BATHROOM!! AND I NEED DEMYX TO FIX IT!!"

"That explains why you're wet and in a towel."

Axel sat back on the couch, slowly relaxing. Zexion joined him and Xigbar went back on hanging from the wall. Larxene took Demyx by his hood and dragged him to her room.

"Well, I'm bored again."

"Oh, really? Cause I haven't noticed."

"You know dudes, we should tell Mansex about this boredom. I mean, this is a free castle and we're free to state our opinions about it!" Axel and Zexion looked at Xigbar in his 'freedom pose'. He was upside down, held his head high(or low in his case) and had placed his right hand on the spot where his non-existent heart non-beats. And just cause they were too bored, they agreed and followed Xigbar to Xemnas' office. All three of them stopped. Who knows what the superior was doing in there.

"Axel, as your superior, I hereby declare you as our royal messenger. Now go in and tell Mansex about this boredom!" Xigbar started pushing the red head in but Axel freed himself.

"Wait, you can't make me messenger! That blond guy already is the messenger! Got it memorized?"

Blond guy with green eyes appeared out of nowhere. He was slightly bending over a jar and had his mouth overfilled with cookies. He looked confused at the three.

"Yomph calphed?" ("You called?")

"COOKIE THIEF!!"

"CAUGHT IN THE ACT!"

"GET HIM!"

"HEY! THIMF IF A FWEE CAFMPH!! NOONPH EVER FAID YOMPH CANPHT EAT COOKIEF!" ("Hey, this is a free castle!! No one ever said you can't eat cookies!")

"Hey, he's right, dudes."

"Freedom. The reason why we're here."

"Yeah, but I don't have a reason to be here so... LOOK! IT'S NAMINE IN AN EVEN SHORTER DRESS WITH A '$2 AN HOUR' SIGN!" the messenger screamed after swallowing the cookies and pointed out the window. The three organization members turned their heads so quickly, their necks cracked loudly.

"Where?!"

"Ou, my neck..."

"Liar! There's no Namine...HEY!" Axel turned only to face... nothing. The guy had mysteriously disappeared. And a mysterious cookie trail had mysteriously appeared on the floor, leading to a mysterious place. Axel shrugged and went to the superior's office door.

"We have to do something against this... I'm goin' in." And so he did.

Xemnas looked up from his papers. A nervous pyro had just entered his office.

"Yes?" Geez, the kid was shivering. And he's meant to be a FIRE element...

"I call for a meeting, now. It's important."

"Summon the rest then! Except for short shit of course."

Axel turned to leave but spoke again.

"Don't ya think that he was excluded enough? I mean, Sai'x found him cryin' 'Lonely' to himself in the deepest, darkest dungeon in the last chapter."

"Oh, he'll be fine. It's only this and the next one anyway, almost halfway through."

In the meeting hall, everyone minus some teenage boy who sulked in his room, was gathered, even Riku Replica, Namine and the blond messenger. Xemnas spoke first.

"So, why did you wanted a meeting?"

"This castle is falling apart! The water pipes in my room broke 13 times this week! I had to use Demyx instead!" threw Larxene in. Demyx, who wore a blindfold and rocked in his chair, shouted as well, unusually decaffeinated.

"I hadto steal Riku'sblindfold!! Fixit!PLEASE! Fixitfixitfixitfixitfixitfixitfixitfixitfixit!"

-Memorial Skyscraper-

"I CAN SEE!! Gaah!! I never knew this was so high up! HELP!! I'm not gonna jump down THERE! What was Square-enix thinking when they wrote this script?! MOMMY!! I WANT MY BLINDFOLD BACK!! DAMN YOU, DEMYX, DAMN YOU TO KINGDOM HELL!!"

-Back in the meeting room-

"That's not it, it's-" Xigbar started but was interrupted by Zexion.

"COOKIE THIEF!" the unusual loud Cloaked Schemer pointed at the blond messenger accusing.

"I can't help it! Besides, I only steal them for sulky down in the dungeons."

"He's in the dungeons again?! I'll be back!"

"NUMBER VIII(8)! STAY!" Axel sat back down. Xigbar, angry because the actual point and reason for this meeting hasn't been raised yet, yelled.

"YOU BEEPING BEEPERS SHUT THE BEEP UP!! THIS IS NOT BEEPING WHY WE BEEPING CALLED THIS BEEPING MEETING!" Everyone was quiet. Xigbar usually doesn't overdose in swearing but when he did, it was a sight to see. Or a shout to hear in this case.

"Why did you call it then?" Xemnas started again, quieter than usual. Axel spoke first.

"Well, the rest, including me, were kinda thinkin' about, you doin' us a favor, since we've been doin' your dirty work since we lost track of time which was pretty long ago. To remove the boredom."

"A favor?"

"To remove the boredom."

"So, according to you, I do not do my job as your superior well?"

Everyone looked to the ground. Riku Replica suddenly shouted.

"FIRE HIM!"

Sudden shot of darkness.

"What did the boy say?!"

"He's right. Let us at least look at what you've been doin' all this time." Vexen said. All of the sudden Rikku(the pixie) flew through the window and grabbed the papers that Xemnas had brought with him. Xemnas stared at her first, then shot her with darkness. She dropped the papers and flew back out the window. Zexion ran to pick up the paper.

"It's a box."

Xemnas strode over to him. He grabbed the paper and turned to his fellow organization members.

"No, much better. It is a drawing of a box!" The rest stood dumbfounded.

"Gentlemen, ladies, what do boxes do?"

Vexen spoke after a couple of minutes not so hard concentrating.

"They... carry things?" Then Axel jumped to another conclusion.

"And whatever they carry, it's valuable because otherwise it wouldn't be in a box!"

"So?" Xemnas asked with a smirk.

"So we're gonna find that box!" Axel shouted exited.

"You're not making any sense at all, mate." Luxord threw in. Everyone looked at him curios.

"Well, boxes that carry things are usually delivered, so we're gonna let the box come to us." The blond gambler said natural. Xemnas nodded in agreement. Right that moment the door bell rang. That however raised another question.

"We have a door bell?" Xaldin asked.

"..."

"Oh, ok then. Marlurxia, no wait, better not, Luxord, get the door." the superior said. Luxord left the discussing room and went for the door.

"Hey there! We're from Kingdom Express and there's a package for..." the brunette read the label, looked at it again and screamed.

"XEMNAS?! But I killed him!"

"Ah, no, you're reading it wrong. It's Mansex."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's all good. The package?"

"Right here, sir."

"You're so very kind. Have a nice day."

"You too. Bye."

Luxord went back to the meeting room, not letting go of the unfeeling that he knew that boy... He placed the box onto the little table in the middle of the room. Xaldin asked the first question.

"So, what exactly is in that box?" Xemnas opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Luxord who had jerked back from the box.

"I-it's alive!" he stuttered. All exchanged various looks. Then they saw it; the box pounded, as if something was trying to punch its way out. All moved back even further. Vexen dared himself to pull the lid off it. Nothing happened for a while. Okay, it wasn't a while, it was about three hours cause the organization were friggin scared beepless of the box. Axel, being the most reckless cause this had nothing to do with bravery, only boredom, neared the object of suspected evil and more likely pain. After another hour he finally got to the thing and looked inside. He snorted at the rest.

"It's only bubble wrap." Xigbar jumped off the ceiling to the box, pulled out a piece of the bubbly plastic and started popping the bubbles.

"This is great Ma-Xemnas!! I love popping these!" he said enthusiastic while Axel grabbed himself a piece and also started popping the bubbles. The rest except a few soon joined in. Larxene didn't get herself some bubble wrap, she snarled at the superior for wasting her time and left the room. Lexeaus also left, muttering something about dotdotdot. Zexion watched the others happily pop their bubble wrap.

"Well that'll keep them occupied for a while. Good job, superior." he remarked, then started to read a novel that had appeared out of somewhere. Mmm, it's probably from the library on Destiny Islands, they claimed they've been robbed every night since, well, since they opened but that's not the point! The point was that the organization members were sitting like little kindergarten children on the floor, popping bubbles! Now that that's out, Zexion felt a lot better. Why or how? God knows. Or Kingdom Hearts. No matter. Xigbar looked in the box again for some more bubble wrap, however, before he could reach it, it erupted and a girl rose from it. All members under the age of 25 were cursed with a horrible nosebleed. Even Namine for strange reasons.

"GOOD LORD, PUT SOMETHING ON!" Xemnas shouted, blushing furiously. Clearly, the old man had never laid eyes on a woman's body before. Time to get laid, Xemnas. Zexion hid behind his bloodstained pages while Axel's eyes starting popping out. One might also notice that he was drooling and his nose was shrimping from the massive blood loss that kept running down his chin.

"Please don't, you might need to waste needed energy, wink wink." he said slowly smirking. Vexen randomly threw an object at him. Demyx beside him, even though he couldn't see due to the stolen blindfold he still wore, was spilling up more blood than Xaldin would have expected to be in the guy. After another glance at the exposed body of the blond girl he coughed up another lump of blood and finally dropped to the ground, possibly unconscious, hopefully (for Xaldin, he didn't approve much of Demyx) dead.

"How the bloody hell did you fit into that box?" Luxord asked, untouched by the fact the girl was naked. She shrugged at him.

"Don't know, don't even know where I am." she said. Then Xemnas took his cloak off and stopped the show. Xigbar booed to that but a quick hit of Sai'x with his claymore silenced the Free shooter. Half-sanity returned to the room while the blond messenger dragged Namine out of the room, muttering something about 'blood loss' and 'brain damage'. The girl stepped out of the box and onto the floor. She was about the same height as Zexion and had a similar fringe covering half of her left eye as him, only her hair was bright blond. Her eyes were as green as emeralds, very much like Axel's and Larxene's eyes. Zexion, most sanest person in the organization and proud of that title, asked first.

"Who are you? And what are you doing here?"

"Well, my name's Haylinn and I have no idea were I am. But this must be some rehab thingy by the looks of it." she said fast. Xemnas spoke angered.

"This is no rehab thingy, underling! You have just entered the headquarters of the evil Organization XIII!" he said proud. Suddenly Haylinn started bouncing around.

"You mean THE Organization XIII?! The thirteen crazy gay pedophile nobodies, their pet copycat Riku, house whore Namine and pop singing messenger?!" she said enthusiastic. The organization first looked at her oddly, then Zexion spoke again.

"Exclude me, please. You seem very energetic, is by any chance your element energy?"

"Yup, you're smart! Hey can I please join? PPPLLLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSEE?" she begged. The younger members nodded hysterically. Xemnas sighed and then nodded, too. The blond jumped up and actually touched the roof.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! I'M IN ORGANIZATION XIII!!!!!!!!!" she screamed, then ran out and explored her new territory. Everyone else left as well, leaving Xemnas by himself. He muttered to himself in disbelief.

"What have I done?"

* * *

hehe. I couldn't resist. again, pirates 2. I love those movies. oh and futurama!

how did you like the OC? I hope I put it in how you wanted it. more randomness of her to follow. and now...

Haylinn: look, I'm in the author's comment!

blond teen: o no, another unfortunate soul

Red head: get outta here, next chap you're allowed back! Haylinn, welcome to insanity!

Haylinn: I already feel like home


	8. The Birth Of Roxum

Mep. I thought of this after having another movie marathon with my friend.

Omg

just this chap until our favorite person is back. Be happy now.

The people talking about sniffels and such are Haylinn and Zexion, the rest is, well, the rest.

ENJOY!

* * *

In another, boring, dull, 3 am meeting.

"How about The Annoying Fangirl?"

"That's not very nice Zexion. Sniffels."

"Did you just say sniffels?"

"And what if I did?"

"Snore."

"That's not even a word."

"Wait, what are we talking about? The snore or the sniffels?"

"Somebody wake Demyx."

"The sniffels."

"Demyx? Asleep? What happened with all the coffee rush and stuff?"

"Well, I say that sniffels is a word from now on, you walking dictionary."

"Don't dis my weapon, newbie."

"Splat."

"Why did someone just said that?"

"Oh, Larxene just kicked Demyx off his chair."

"Ouch."

"Indeed."

"HOLY BEEP SUPERIOR WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!"

"From his mommy."

"Riku, get outta here."

"Grumble, grumble."

"What is it with people saying what they're doing today?"

"I don't know. Sit."

"Face palm."

Zexion and Haylinn continued to talk about several meanings of utter nonsense while the rest of the organization concentrated on the remains of Demyx. Currently they were discussing on how to get him off the floor.

Axel suggestion was to burn him and vacuum clean the floor afterwards, and put the ashes in the unused cookie jar where the nocturne will happily rest in peace. And also to get Jesse McCartney to choke on the cookies. Mainly the latter.

Xaldin said he could chop Demyx up and use the best parts for the next meal, but majority disagreed with that. Maybe they will get some kind of a Demyx disease.

Vexen said he could use another experi- and Larxene electrified him before he could finish. The last experiment was already anoying enough, they didn't want to know what could happen with Demyx.

Xemnas had enough of this. He yelled across the room for attention.

"BEEPERS! SHUT UP! XI(11), get a shovel and dig IX(9) out of the ground. The rest, SIT!"

Marlurxia left while the rest took their places on their extremely high chairs.

"Now, have you found a name for XIV(15) yet?" he asked. They shook their heads. Haylinn raised her opinion in the matter.

"I got it! The Energetic Dancer!"

"Dancer?"

"I like music, you know."

"Alright, you'll have that name for now, until we decide other. Meeting closed." Xemnas ended. All left that instant, going back to their beauty sleep. Except Haylinn of course.

"Guys, how do you get off these chairs without hurting yourself? Guys? GUYS! DON'T JUST LEAVE ME HERE!"

-In another part of the castle-

"Here, fishy, fishy, fishy!"

"Dude, that's never gonna work."

"Shut up if you don't have a better plan, got it memorized?"

A black portal appeared and Luxord stepped out.

"What in in the name of Kingdom Hearts are two doing?"

"Nothing." Axel and Xigbar said simultaneously.

"Anyway, come with me, I have found the secret entrance to stoner land."

"Stoner land, you say?"

"No way! I thought that was just a myth!"

"Ha! I knew you two were fucked up little pot smokers!"

"Hey, cut the language, Demyx's fish is listening."

"You mean it's still just a myth?"

"Yes."

"Aarrgh!"

Dead silence. Axel spoke first.

"Xigbar. Don't. Ever. Do that again. Got it memorized?"

"You're not a damn pirate, mate."

-Else where-

"I feel like I'm talking with myself here."

"Well, that's cause you are talking with yourself, genius." Jesse replied.

"No, I'm talking with you."

"Dude, I am you." the singer said annoyed.

"Still. But put that aside, what did you want anyway?"

"You should really stop eating that much ice cream. It'll make ya fat."

"Shut up, I don't need your advice."

"Don't tell me to shut up! You need me!"

"No I don't! I got, I got,... my ice cream!"

"Now you lost it completely. Give me that devil's food!"

"NO! It's mine, my own, my... precious."

"I knew I shouldn't have let you watch that movie. You need help, little guy."

"I don't need help! The precious will help me! Go away!"

"No!"

"Go away and never come back!"

"You're not gonna survive without me, you know?"

"Go away and never come back!"

Silence.

"Ha! He's gone! We're free! We're free, my precious! Roxum, Roxum!" the teen sang and danced like wild. Then he started liking his precious with such pleasure it would have given Axel a greater nosebleed than he had from Haylinn before.

* * *

Heh. I luv putting Jesse McCartney and Roxas together. It's so much fun to mess with.

Haylinn: GET ME OFF THIS FREAKIN CHAIR!

Red head: chill! Just jump down, Roxum's gonna catch ya

Roxum: precious?

Haylinn: ok, I'm gonna jump

Haylinn: any minute now

Haylinn: almost

-Roxas goes up and pushes her-

Haylinn: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH- look, I can fly! -HHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

splat

Red head: onoes! You squished Roxum!

Haylinn: owie

Roxas: since when do I have a split personality that actually walks around?

Red head: hey, it's not walking anymore. It's ...very...flat

REVIEW PLEASE! Or you won't know what's gonna happen with Roxum!


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